"Balderdash"

by Larry D. Becker

I awoke to a morning so crisp in its borning
   that icicles hung in the air
But what it inferred I deftly deffered
   and remained quite snug in my lair
Fate's providence and habitual slovenliness
   have conspired with unnatural care
To produce an obtuse and ridiculous excuse
   to sleep on a morning so rare
So up I did spring and commencing to sing
   a ballad quite passably fair
I sprang to the shower and dialing full power
   I continued my singing with flair
But needing some soap and searching with hope
   in a cupboard under the stair
I looked once again but to my chagrin
   I saw that the cupboard was bare
Except for some documents left by previous occupants
   and a can of something called "Nair"
The product's instructions were obscured by reductions
   in price, but the purpose was there
It seems that in some way, the use of this spray
   was something to put on your hair
So lacking shampoo, I used that witches' brew
   (I'm telling this now with despair)
That's how on the morrow, with parting's sweet sorrow
   I bid farewell to my hair